I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

 

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19th November 2017 – Mount Kosciuszko, Thredbo Australia – One of my goals this year was to climb to the summit of Mt. Kosciuszko, time and weather didn’t allow but I made it as far as I could, turned back and made it an adventure for another day. 

 

As exciting as new beginnings can be, it also brings confusions to where you want to go. It feels as though we are supposed to have it all figured out. But I don’t. I saw the following phrase/poem on Facebook, I loved the change in perspective and carefree nature of it:-

I stopped telling myself that I’m lost,

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way. 

~ Ahunnaya

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5 things I am grateful for today:

the stormy weather

opportunities, possibilities

days off work

life

nature

 

 

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Spring & Health

18 days into the month of spring but today was the first day signs of spring were in the air. It was warmer, the wind was fierce and musty as it carry’s particles of pollen on a journey to a place to begin anew. Spring makes me feel happy and light and just as it is new beginnings for nature, it feels like new beginnings to me too.

2 days ago I decided to stop putting a price on my health. There was an exercise regime I have wanted to commit to for awhile now however the price tag pushes me away. I am generally healthy, I try to be however over the past year I have definitely had too many meals that don’t do much benefit to my body and I am starting to feel the consequences.

I put all the guilt that comes with investing in my health aside and signed up for it. It’s funny because I’ve probably spent many dollars on gym memberships and never gone or not made the most of it without feeling guilty. I decided that I rather pay for something more expensive that I know that I will do than something that isn’t, which I won’t end up using anyway.

Money is complicated and I am trying to develop a healthier, richer mindset about money. I think not putting a price tag on my physical or mental wellbeing is a step in the right direction. Afterall, putting in the effort to be healthy now, means less bills later in life, bills that will probably come in big lumps. Your body is all you have got till the end of your life, it can enhance the way you live or limit it and you are stuck with so it so best take care of it.

So what shifted my mindset?

  • Reading ‘How not to die’ by Dr. Michel Greger – He goes through the top non-communicable diseases in society, addressing why they are present and then how to lessen the chances of an early death.
  • Downloading Dr. Michel Greger’s Daily Dozen app (it’s free) – it provides a rough estimate of how much fruits, vegetables, nuts and all the good stuff you need daily to maintain your health. The more things you tick off the list, the better your gut will feel.
  • Reading ‘You are a badass at making money’ by Jen Sincero – I don’t agree with all she says but I have taken on board the good bits. I have become aware of my own negative mindset when it comes to money and am slowly shifting it.
  • Reading ‘Gut’ by Guilia Enders – this book provides the science behind how your gut works, the mechanisms and its importance in our function as humans.

I don’t think any one of these resources on it’s own would have really helped me. I think it’s the combination and holisitic understanding I have now that has shifted my mindset. I am so glad because better late than never plus my degree is coming to an end so fulltime work means i’ll have to manage an income wisely. No better time to learn about money and health than now.

(Note: Only spend money on things that are within your means. Just like your health, your finances are important too. If you want to pay for something that you feel you can’t afford, perhaps analuse your spendings and see what ‘luxury’ items you can sacrifice to allow space for other things in your life. That is what I did. )

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5 things I am grateful for today:

Spring

My Determination

Relaxing days

Being alive

Books, books, books

 

 

Breathe.

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breathe in, love.

breathe out, hate. 

breathe in, gratitude.

breathe out, resentment.

breathe in, joy.

breathe out, hostility. 

breathe in.

breathe out.

Clarity. Carefree. Content. 

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5 things I am grateful for today:

Life

Love

Simplicity

Chance to relax

Books that are practical

Possibilities.

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The year coming to a close has been stressful for the past few years. It comes with so much uncertainty. This year marks the final step before I enter the professional world and embark on an adventure that will hopefully allow me to help others while I continually grow.

For the past month, I have been worrying about what my life will look like next year or even after November. I picture it and all I can imagine is emptiness. I don’t know where I’ll live or what job I’ll be doing, (or if I’ll have a job at all) if I’ll be travelling or if I’ll find another volunteering opportunity. Such simple things that are all in my control causing me so much misery, because I let it. 

I know the worrying is wasteful and the stress that comes with it I can definitely do without but I still continue to wonder with anxiousness what my life will look like.

The uncertainty is perplexing; should I not feel like the possibilities are endless and be excited about the certainty that anything could happen! In fact, I should be grateful and feel privileged that I have options, my path is not set and it never will be. I do have control.

Upon reflection, I know that the life I have now and who I am, I could have never dreamed up 5 years ago. I can imagine and wonder about my future for the rest of my life but as I live it every moment, my imagination will never be a mirror image of reality, it can’t be, uncertainty is life’s beauty.

It is so hard to shut that worry button right off, be in the moment and be content with whatever will be, will be. 

I will aim to think of all the possibilities than lack of and let life run its course like it always has regardless of my worrying thoughts. 

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5 things I am grateful for today:

The time I get to spend with different children while on placement – I love their honest, innocent and genuine personalities.

Freedom to learn – I am constantly exploring new modes of learning and new things to learn. I am grateful for the evolution of learning and the freedom to do so. 

Grateful for life and the opportunities it has brought me thus far. 

I am grateful to have had a supervisor who was present, interested in my learning process as well as learning with me in an interactive, joyful and carefree manner.

I am grateful for growth. 

Till soon?

 

Drifting away.

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Looking back to the second time I came to Australia, entering that classroom nervously where the teacher told me to take the empty seat at the front. Who would have thought that simple gesture to sit in a seat that is usually occupied by someone else, would build what has now become years of friendship.

We live in a huge web of narratives, the narratives of the people we pass by daily and our trajectories collide for unknown reasons and people enter your life changing it from everything you’ve known it to be, towards something, for better or worse.

Reading a wealth of memoir’s over the past year that tie in closely with university material and what I believe in, I realise how important these moments are. Each of these moments adds up and eventually define who we are, who we think we are and what others see in us.

That moment when I sat on that chair marks the moment I made my long term friends. The friends I go through my first parties, jobs, failures, graduations, boyfriends, weddings and not long from now first children. As we proceed through these milestones, our personalities develop into the people we want to be. Long gone are the days where we want to be liked by one another to a point where we aren’t ourselves anymore. The days where we only saw perfection in each other are gone. Left are the days where we learn to love one another for our flaws, accept our differences and move on individually with our lives, together. I’d like to say that we haven’t drifted apart but over the years we have become different people and gravitated towards other people we identify with. We have drifted and those ‘firsts’ we experienced together don’t matter as much anymore.

Friendship is no longer calculated through the length of time we’ve known each other but who we have become and whether they add value to our lives now. As someone who always wants to do the ‘right’ thing by everyone, I struggle in situations where the right thing isn’t so clear. Is the right thing to acknowledge the drift and put the actions in motion to save that friendship or be aware of the drift and let it be. It took a while to realise the drifting was occurring and allowing the natural process of this story to pan out means that perhaps in a few years, we won’t be friends at all.

Honestly, the latter seems right because I know that the former option would require me to pretend and force something that isn’t happening without my interference, so perhaps it shouldn’t be that way at all?

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5 things I am grateful for:

Luck/Coincidence – Whichever it may be I am thankful of it lately.

Kindle – I am grateful for my little sister who bought it for me, but also grateful it was invented in the first place because right now I can’t imagine a day without it by my side on train rides.

My family

The continual opportunities that I am presented in life, thank you. I know that not everyone gets equal opportunities, I hope that in the future, I can give to those who don’t.

Nature – Sadly I haven’t been out much lately because winter isn’t my favourite season but I did take the time to appreciate the last few minutes of the sunset yesterday.

 

 

Alcohol.

I don’t think I have every quite expressed my hate towards alcohol. There are many reasons why this topic is at the forefront of my mind right now and therefore it is a perfect opportunity to talk about it.

I grew up in a household with very responsible parents. My mother has never had alcohol and is extremely against it and my dad had a rare drink but overall alcohol was not a huge part of my upbringing. I was told not to drink and that it was bad for you, that was about it.

As I grew older and my peers experimented with alcohol I was still somewhat not convinced by ‘how great’ it was. After school, I had my somewhat fair share of alcohol, not a lot compared to others but a few drunk nights and that has always been about it. I don’t drink very much right now and the reasons why I was told alcohol was bad for you when I was young is turning into a much bigger picture, a complex one.

There is much greater awareness towards early education in alcoholism for school students nowadays. There are advertisements on television targeted at parents to educate how their alcohol use affects their children’s upbringing. However, a disjoint between this education and culture exists.

This week while I was volunteering, spending time with my teenage mentee, the topic of drugs and alcohol use is presented in the book we go through each week. I go through everything related to alcohol and even some tips on how to not succumb to peer pressure and avoid people’s comments when you say you aren’t drinking.

Then my boyfriend tells me that his manager at work is distributing beers. And they are allowed to bring alcohol and drink after 3 pm if they like. In my mind, there is just something wrong with a workplace that promotes drinking and sees it as a strategy to ‘wind down’ or ‘chill out’ after a hard days work. Why not promote things that have long term benefits for the employee but I know most workplaces use alcohol.

During placement this week, I realise the sadness and trauma alcohol can bring to a family. Family breakdown, violence, sexual abuse, homelessness and many more issues stem from alcoholism and the inability for humans to control themselves.

And lastly, my own anxiousness that has come from an unknown place regarding alcohol. How I feel when people close to me are intoxicated. I feel angry and frustrated that they couldn’t control themselves and annoyed that I must deal with the aftermath.

I know it must seem like I don’t know how to have a good time but I can have a good time without alcohol. I drink sometimes but with caution. I don’t blame those who suffer from alcoholism, we are surrounded by a culture that promotes alcohol left, right and centre.

All I can say is that it destroys lives and everyone should think before they drink. 

(I acknowledge that there are many factors that contribute to alcoholism, however I am just addressing the ‘nuture’ aspects such as society, culture etc. instead of ‘nature’ such as genetics in this post)

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5 things I am grateful for:

My family – so thankful for the stability, love and care I was and am given.

Placement – I feel so enriched everyday, I am learning so much and enjoying the experience.

Old friends – nothing beats a friendly talk was a familiar voice.

Love – it is crazy how strong this emotion can be, even in the darkest of situations, love definitely shines a light.

Me – In the past week I am realising how grateful I am to simply be me, flaws and all.

Till again!

National BestFriend Day.

 

Apparently, yesterday (8th of June) was National Best Friend’s Day so I thought it would be nice to write a post to remember and thank my best friends through the years.

I recently scrapped the idea that you can only have one best friend. It was limiting and in actual fact, I had many good friends who are all important to me and who all the deserve the label of ‘best friend’.

Growing up I never had many friends, I was very shy and never approached anyone unless talked to.

Today, I want to thank the one friend who broke my shell and helped me shine through with confidence. I believe that meeting her was life changing for me, the course of my whole life changed because I was transformed as a person. I was finally not afraid to be me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me everything by just being you.

Next, to the friends that listen and give me logical and honest advice – you help me out of the deepest of wells by giving nothing but an ear.

To the friends, whom I can talk for hours about everything but people – you are gems, you inspire me and show me the goodness in this world. Just by communicating your thoughts and ideas about the world, not the individual people in it.

To the friends who are far, but feel so close – how we manage to bridge continents and have a solid relationship, is beyond me. Not everyone can find the time to tend to those who are not physically present – for that you are special.

To the friends who I can have countless adventures with, whether it is travelling, hikes or visiting the newest cafes, thank you for sharing your wanderlust with me.

To my boyfriend for being all those friends in one – I appreciate every moment.

And lastly, to my sisters, who were my first best friends, who will continue to always be now and forever.

Happy National BestFriend Day!

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5 things I am grateful for today:

The Sun – you came out today, and you decided to stay, shining through my window and warming up my room!

Leaves – I just love looking at leaves in the wind, it is so calming.

All my friends!

Past self – I often find that my past self is a lot more organised than I give her credit for, making the self now have less work!

The library – you are so warm and calm!