Drifting away.

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Looking back to the second time I came to Australia, entering that classroom nervously where the teacher told me to take the empty seat at the front. Who would have thought that simple gesture to sit in a seat that is usually occupied by someone else, would build what has now become years of friendship.

We live in a huge web of narratives, the narratives of the people we pass by daily and our trajectories collide for unknown reasons and people enter your life changing it from everything you’ve known it to be, towards something, for better or worse.

Reading a wealth of memoir’s over the past year that tie in closely with university material and what I believe in, I realise how important these moments are. Each of these moments adds up and eventually define who we are, who we think we are and what others see in us.

That moment when I sat on that chair marks the moment I made my long term friends. The friends I go through my first parties, jobs, failures, graduations, boyfriends, weddings and not long from now first children. As we proceed through these milestones, our personalities develop into the people we want to be. Long gone are the days where we want to be liked by one another to a point where we aren’t ourselves anymore. The days where we only saw perfection in each other are gone. Left are the days where we learn to love one another for our flaws, accept our differences and move on individually with our lives, together. I’d like to say that we haven’t drifted apart but over the years we have become different people and gravitated towards other people we identify with. We have drifted and those ‘firsts’ we experienced together don’t matter as much anymore.

Friendship is no longer calculated through the length of time we’ve known each other but who we have become and whether they add value to our lives now. As someone who always wants to do the ‘right’ thing by everyone, I struggle in situations where the right thing isn’t so clear. Is the right thing to acknowledge the drift and put the actions in motion to save that friendship or be aware of the drift and let it be. It took a while to realise the drifting was occurring and allowing the natural process of this story to pan out means that perhaps in a few years, we won’t be friends at all.

Honestly, the latter seems right because I know that the former option would require me to pretend and force something that isn’t happening without my interference, so perhaps it shouldn’t be that way at all?

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5 things I am grateful for:

Luck/Coincidence – Whichever it may be I am thankful of it lately.

Kindle – I am grateful for my little sister who bought it for me, but also grateful it was invented in the first place because right now I can’t imagine a day without it by my side on train rides.

My family

The continual opportunities that I am presented in life, thank you. I know that not everyone gets equal opportunities, I hope that in the future, I can give to those who don’t.

Nature – Sadly I haven’t been out much lately because winter isn’t my favourite season but I did take the time to appreciate the last few minutes of the sunset yesterday.

 

 

Alcohol.

I don’t think I have every quite expressed my hate towards alcohol. There are many reasons why this topic is at the forefront of my mind right now and therefore it is a perfect opportunity to talk about it.

I grew up in a household with very responsible parents. My mother has never had alcohol and is extremely against it and my dad had a rare drink but overall alcohol was not a huge part of my upbringing. I was told not to drink and that it was bad for you, that was about it.

As I grew older and my peers experimented with alcohol I was still somewhat not convinced by ‘how great’ it was. After school, I had my somewhat fair share of alcohol, not a lot compared to others but a few drunk nights and that has always been about it. I don’t drink very much right now and the reasons why I was told alcohol was bad for you when I was young is turning into a much bigger picture, a complex one.

There is much greater awareness towards early education in alcoholism for school students nowadays. There are advertisements on television targeted at parents to educate how their alcohol use affects their children’s upbringing. However, a disjoint between this education and culture exists.

This week while I was volunteering, spending time with my teenage mentee, the topic of drugs and alcohol use is presented in the book we go through each week. I go through everything related to alcohol and even some tips on how to not succumb to peer pressure and avoid people’s comments when you say you aren’t drinking.

Then my boyfriend tells me that his manager at work is distributing beers. And they are allowed to bring alcohol and drink after 3 pm if they like. In my mind, there is just something wrong with a workplace that promotes drinking and sees it as a strategy to ‘wind down’ or ‘chill out’ after a hard days work. Why not promote things that have long term benefits for the employee but I know most workplaces use alcohol.

During placement this week, I realise the sadness and trauma alcohol can bring to a family. Family breakdown, violence, sexual abuse, homelessness and many more issues stem from alcoholism and the inability for humans to control themselves.

And lastly, my own anxiousness that has come from an unknown place regarding alcohol. How I feel when people close to me are intoxicated. I feel angry and frustrated that they couldn’t control themselves and annoyed that I must deal with the aftermath.

I know it must seem like I don’t know how to have a good time but I can have a good time without alcohol. I drink sometimes but with caution. I don’t blame those who become alcoholics, we are surrounded by a culture that promotes alcohol left, right and centre.

All I can say is that it destroys lives and everyone should think before they drink. 

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5 things I am grateful for:

My family – so thankful for the stability, love and care I was and am given.

Placement – I feel so enriched everyday, I am learning so much and enjoying the experience.

Old friends – nothing beats a friendly talk was a familiar voice.

Love – it is crazy how strong this emotion can be, even in the darkest of situations, love definitely shines a light.

Me – In the past week I am realising how grateful I am to simply be me, flaws and all.

Till again!

National BestFriend Day.

 

Apparently, yesterday (8th of June) was National Best Friend’s Day so I thought it would be nice to write a post to remember and thank my best friends through the years.

I recently scrapped the idea that you can only have one best friend. It was limiting and in actual fact, I had many good friends who are all important to me and who all the deserve the label of ‘best friend’.

Growing up I never had many friends, I was very shy and never approached anyone unless talked to.

Today, I want to thank the one friend who broke my shell and helped me shine through with confidence. I believe that meeting her was life changing for me, the course of my whole life changed because I was transformed as a person. I was finally not afraid to be me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me everything by just being you.

Next, to the friends that listen and give me logical and honest advice – you help me out of the deepest of wells by giving nothing but an ear.

To the friends, whom I can talk for hours about everything but people – you are gems, you inspire me and show me the goodness in this world. Just by communicating your thoughts and ideas about the world, not the individual people in it.

To the friends who are far, but feel so close – how we manage to bridge continents and have a solid relationship, is beyond me. Not everyone can find the time to tend to those who are not physically present – for that you are special.

To the friends who I can have countless adventures with, whether it is travelling, hikes or visiting the newest cafes, thank you for sharing your wanderlust with me.

To my boyfriend for being all those friends in one – I appreciate every moment.

And lastly, to my sisters, who were my first best friends, who will continue to always be now and forever.

Happy National BestFriend Day!

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5 things I am grateful for today:

The Sun – you came out today, and you decided to stay, shining through my window and warming up my room!

Leaves – I just love looking at leaves in the wind, it is so calming.

All my friends!

Past self – I often find that my past self is a lot more organised than I give her credit for, making the self now have less work!

The library – you are so warm and calm!

six-month review.

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So it has been six months since January 2017 and I feel a review is necessary to keep track of how things have been going in general, things I have learned and what will be happening moving forward. 

Firstly, I came into this year, hoping it would be better and that was a big mistake. Not because it wasn’t better, but because I had too many expectations, ones that weren’t realistic. I realise that things do not get better or worse, just different. The obstacles I was faced with last year were bad and this year I was faced with some bad ones too but they were just different.

1.The expectation of having a ‘happier’ future just because you change a thing or two is unrealistic because the future is what it is regardless of your expectations. We just need to focus on being happy moment to moment.

The next biggest challenge for the first half of this year has been around relationships. Twenty-seventeen started out rocky with my friends and family, things mended, but are not exactly the same. I sat around questioning everything and everyone around me because all of a sudden nothing seemed the same.

2. Relationships take moments to break and years to build. Communicating is the best way to get things across, especially uncomfortable things. Do not give people the chance to assume how you feel or what you are thinking, TELL THEM. Clear up the air, don’t sit in resentment or hate. Move forward with or without that person in your life. Expect change for better or worse because everything is impermanent. 

Next, is a discovery.

3. You can do anything. I really put my mind to staying balanced and healthy for the first few months of the year and every part of my life improved with a simple change of going for a 30-minute run/walk in the morning. We doubt our abilities/capabilities so much and never give ourselves a chance to even try and learn that you can do anything you put your mind to. 

So amongst those 3 things, I have learnt a lot more but those are the 3 takeaways. Moving forward, I handed my last assignment in yesterday. Only one semester left!

I will be heading to placement next week for 3 months and I really hope it is going to be good and enlightening. And I know that I am the only thing in between having a good or bad experience.

After that, I have a final 8 weeks of university before I am done forever! It is scary but I can’t wait to finally do something I’ve wanted to do (even though I might not get there at first, baby steps). I am excited to not think about money all the time (seriously exhausting being a student). I am also excited to just be on a different journey.

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5 things I am grateful for today:

My ability to write assignments quickly in small bursts!

Reflection – the power of reflection is extraordinary.

I am grateful to have a week off before starting placement!

I am grateful for the gloomy skies because they give beautiful sunrises/sunsets.

Nature.

Rumination.

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I am always surprised with the way people are, or more so who are they.

Do people only act in a way to always only benefit themselves?

Have I been too sheltered?

Are people truly evil on the inside?

I am evil?

I am constantly hurt by words, I don’t want to be, I want to be stronger. 

How do I become stronger?

Perhaps it is time to stop ruminating.

Rumination kills the soul.

Rumination causes depression.

Rumination is the enemy, not people.

Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so, right?

I think it is time for some meditation!

5 things I am grateful for today:

My boyfriend – he never fails to support and broaden my perspective on who I am, constantly reminding me to shed the self-doubt, up the self-love and believe in myself and who I am.

Pizza – just deliciously bad of you, mmm.

Outdoors – Although it has been quite cold, I enjoy the autumn leaves in the wind and cold air on my face. It is refreshing in times where I feel trapped to be outside.

Uni friends – never have I met such great supportive and genuine people.

this blog – although it isn’t much, it is my release to a world that is private yet public, I feel free and not judged.

Taken for granted.

Sometimes I feel like I am taken for granted, taken advantage of and not appreciated. 

These are terrible things to feel so I have decided to redirect my feelings to remind myself of the things most of us take granted for in life and to appreciate these things.

  1. Garbage collectors – most of you wake in the early morning hours before the rest of the city to collect our waste. You ensure cleanliness, hygiene and overall beauty of our surroundings.
  2. Teachers – personally I have always had a level of respect for teachers, whether it be a cultural thing or just my appreciation towards them but they deal with a lot, are constantly under pressure and under paid. Education is the cure to most issues in this world, so without our teachers/mentors/lecturers, knowledge would struggle to be passed on.
  3. Mothers and Fathers – The countless and altruistic efforts of my mother and father to take care of their family is admirable.
  4. Freedom – Although some may argue none of us are really ‘free’, I am free compared to the many others in this world, past and present.
  5. Safety – I come from an area that is relatively safe, I can walk out and not feel scared. Unfortunately, sometimes terrible things do happen but right now the chances of that are low for me.
  6. Opportunities – everyday we dismiss opportunities because it isn’t the opportunity we wanted, but we must be grateful that we even got the choice to decline an opportunity.
  7. Home – I am lucky enough to call 3 places home; my home in Melbourne, my parents home in Canberra and my family home in Sri Lanka. I have a place to go back to every night, to be safe and warm and that should never go unappreciated.
  8. Food – the ability to walk into your kitchen, shop or restaurant and grab any food you may please is a blessing.
  9. Free time – These days we spend a lot of time in front of screens aimlessly scrolling through social media, our free time dwindles into nothing and we also feel like we are always running out of time.
  10. Sun – I definitely don’t appreciate the sun enough. I love the sun and on gloomy days I complain but fail to go out enough on sunny days.

Adventure #4

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Another day, another adventure. 

Located not far from Gisborne near the Macedon Ranges is Trentham waterfall, approximately 1.5 hours north from the city of Melbourne.

Leaving midday, we travelled through the city, plain grassland, beautiful rural towns before arriving at the fall, that is hidden away in the forest.

The air is clean and crisp at the falls, consciously breathing is a must to truly appreciate and feel alive.

The soil is damp and the rocks are loosening as mother nature shifts and evolves through time. So be careful.

The day was splendid and spent in good company.

 

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