Hawaii Feb 2020
Have I lost myself while doing social work?
In the last year, this is a question I ask more and more. I think to myself, there is no way I can read, listen and explore the violence that women and children have experience/d day in and day out, without losing a part of myself.
These stories of ongoing torture don’t phase me so much anymore. I can read so many horrible things and go about my day and focus on the task at hand without thinking much further than the letters on the page. Starting out in the family violence field, I was surprised by the level of violence and the twisted ways that humans use to inflict pain, things that I wouldn’t have thought were possible, were proven to be possible. None of it was normal.
A year and a half in, I have to remind myself that my threshold has increased, I am able to handle more pain but that still does not make any of this normal. It is like being part of an emergency service but one level removed from that. I talk to multiple women a day about the layout of their houses, and how to flee their homes safely, with their children, in the event that their partner comes to harm them.
So much is messed up about that.
There is so much pain in this world. I cannot imagine what it may be like to feel unsafe at home, in a place where people are expected to feel the safest. I cannot imagine what it may be like to experience violence (emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, financial) from someone you love. I cannot imagine what it is like, to constantly feel afraid.
I am incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to work with women and children, in keeping them safe and in stopping the cycle of violence. I am also grateful to talk to women about their rights, choices and freedom.
This work has definitely changed me. I have lost parts of myself, but I have also found my voice. My younger self would have never imagined where I am now. I am so grateful that I am using my voice to advocate, educate and stand up for women.
I suppose you can’t discover and grow without making some space, and if losing parts of myself means, finding my voice, it can’t be that bad.
Today I am grateful for:
- Safety
- Health
- Love
Words of an early riser. 