Drifting away.

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Looking back to the second time I came to Australia, entering that classroom nervously where the teacher told me to take the empty seat at the front. Who would have thought that simple gesture to sit in a seat that is usually occupied by someone else, would build what has now become years of friendship.

We live in a huge web of narratives, the narratives of the people we pass by daily and our trajectories collide for unknown reasons and people enter your life changing it from everything you’ve known it to be, towards something, for better or worse.

Reading a wealth of memoir’s over the past year that tie in closely with university material and what I believe in, I realise how important these moments are. Each of these moments adds up and eventually define who we are, who we think we are and what others see in us.

That moment when I sat on that chair marks the moment I made my long term friends. The friends I go through my first parties, jobs, failures, graduations, boyfriends, weddings and not long from now first children. As we proceed through these milestones, our personalities develop into the people we want to be. Long gone are the days where we want to be liked by one another to a point where we aren’t ourselves anymore. The days where we only saw perfection in each other are gone. Left are the days where we learn to love one another for our flaws, accept our differences and move on individually with our lives, together. I’d like to say that we haven’t drifted apart but over the years we have become different people and gravitated towards other people we identify with. We have drifted and those ‘firsts’ we experienced together don’t matter as much anymore.

Friendship is no longer calculated through the length of time we’ve known each other but who we have become and whether they add value to our lives now. As someone who always wants to do the ‘right’ thing by everyone, I struggle in situations where the right thing isn’t so clear. Is the right thing to acknowledge the drift and put the actions in motion to save that friendship or be aware of the drift and let it be. It took a while to realise the drifting was occurring and allowing the natural process of this story to pan out means that perhaps in a few years, we won’t be friends at all.

Honestly, the latter seems right because I know that the former option would require me to pretend and force something that isn’t happening without my interference, so perhaps it shouldn’t be that way at all?

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5 things I am grateful for:

Luck/Coincidence – Whichever it may be I am thankful of it lately.

Kindle – I am grateful for my little sister who bought it for me, but also grateful it was invented in the first place because right now I can’t imagine a day without it by my side on train rides.

My family

The continual opportunities that I am presented in life, thank you. I know that not everyone gets equal opportunities, I hope that in the future, I can give to those who don’t.

Nature – Sadly I haven’t been out much lately because winter isn’t my favourite season but I did take the time to appreciate the last few minutes of the sunset yesterday.

 

 

National BestFriend Day.

 

Apparently, yesterday (8th of June) was National Best Friend’s Day so I thought it would be nice to write a post to remember and thank my best friends through the years.

I recently scrapped the idea that you can only have one best friend. It was limiting and in actual fact, I had many good friends who are all important to me and who all the deserve the label of ‘best friend’.

Growing up I never had many friends, I was very shy and never approached anyone unless talked to.

Today, I want to thank the one friend who broke my shell and helped me shine through with confidence. I believe that meeting her was life changing for me, the course of my whole life changed because I was transformed as a person. I was finally not afraid to be me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me everything by just being you.

Next, to the friends that listen and give me logical and honest advice – you help me out of the deepest of wells by giving nothing but an ear.

To the friends, whom I can talk for hours about everything but people – you are gems, you inspire me and show me the goodness in this world. Just by communicating your thoughts and ideas about the world, not the individual people in it.

To the friends who are far, but feel so close – how we manage to bridge continents and have a solid relationship, is beyond me. Not everyone can find the time to tend to those who are not physically present – for that you are special.

To the friends who I can have countless adventures with, whether it is travelling, hikes or visiting the newest cafes, thank you for sharing your wanderlust with me.

To my boyfriend for being all those friends in one – I appreciate every moment.

And lastly, to my sisters, who were my first best friends, who will continue to always be now and forever.

Happy National BestFriend Day!

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5 things I am grateful for today:

The Sun – you came out today, and you decided to stay, shining through my window and warming up my room!

Leaves – I just love looking at leaves in the wind, it is so calming.

All my friends!

Past self – I often find that my past self is a lot more organised than I give her credit for, making the self now have less work!

The library – you are so warm and calm!

Respect.

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Moving to Melbourne after living in Canberra for a fair few years was exciting and hard on many different aspects. One major concern when I moved 1.5 years ago was friends. I had had the same friends for a while now, they were familiar and I was comfortable.

What I failed to realise when I was younger but understand now is the quality of the people you surround yourself with. 

Some of this, I realised during the last years of my undergraduate degree where I voluntarily drifted from the people who were toxic in my life. They added nothing but pain, they didn’t make me a better person and they definitely did not make me happy. 

It’s funny because when you are a child you struggle to differentiate good friends from bad friends. You just long to be friends with everyone, be loved and liked, most importantly, have someone to play with at lunch.

We are taught that having friends is important, but we are not taught how to be good friends or to tell the difference from good and bad friends. Or that it is okay to walk away without seeming weak. We are not taught how to respect ourselves and because of this so many children get hurt by their ‘friends’ everyday.

Because of this I only learnt to walk away from people who shouldn’t have had a place in my life, a few years ago.

Today, I find myself saying no to gatherings with people who I don’t feel my best self around without hesitation. Today I know that if I don’t find the quality in relationships, it probably isn’t worth my time. Today I know that if I am in doubt, the answer is probably no. Today I know how to respect myself but I wish I learnt that long time ago. 

This does not mean I do not give people a chance, I do, it just means I trust my intuition. It means I cherish every moment with people who make me happy, enlighten me and spark joy. And the ones who make me feel uncomfortable or put negative thoughts in my head, are kept a little further away.

I am sure that some people feel the same about me too, but that is okay.

The key is to show appreciation, love and respect to those who treat you with the same regard. The people who don’t like you? Well that’s okay, because no one can like everyone.

Quality over Quantity. 

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5 things I am grateful for today:

Lazy days in – I was supposed to do my assignment, I sort of did but it was mostly a lazy day in.

Youtube – Man, do you hold a wealth of free knowledge!

Coffee – I wasn’t drinking coffee for a while but the cold weather has sparked a new love for it!

Creativity – Just loving my creative thoughts lately.

Nature – while sitting in my bedroom, I observed the changing weather all day long, it was beautiful.

Till again ♥

Mothers.

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To the strongest women, I dedicate this post to you.

You are all inspirational. The sacrifices you make, the hardships you encounter and how you continue to love endlessly and unconditionally through it all, I am yet to understand. 

From the moment you decide to have a child, you give yourself up as a person and you become two people, a difficult but empowering transition that many women of this world choose to make.

Sometimes, I think of my own mother, all the times she has had to remain strong for her children, the emotional strength she must have to continually love and smile to prove to her children that everything is alright.

I do not disregard the role of fathers, who make an equal contribution to their children, to those fathers who fill the gap of absent mothers. To those mothers, who are not mothers by blood but through love and compassion. To those sisters and brothers who are more like mothers to siblings when parents are missing. To anyone who has had to love, care and support a child, you are champions.

Happy Mother’s Day! Without you, we would not be!

5 things I am grateful for:

  1. My mother
  2. Homemade coffee – was good if not better than cafe coffee.
  3. Old family photos
  4. Sisters – during difficult times, who else would I turn to.
  5. Boyfriend – for always being supportive and kind.

 

Friendship continued.

Further expanding on a previous post about friendship and people talking behind others backs, I realise that it is something that I too need to consider and refrain myself from at times.

I constantly state that nobody is perfect and in my lifetime have made countless mistakes – said the wrong things and hurt people without quite realising, or realising a second too late.

I like to think that the majority tries their best to be good people, to be kind and value those around them.

A general rule when working with kids and defining boundaries that I have been told is to not tell a child anything that you wouldn’t tell in front of their parents/guardians. This helps define when it is and isn’t appropriate to communicate certain things to a child.

In the same way, I want to make a pledge to myself where I will try my best to not say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t be comfortable saying in front of them. I don’t do this often but I will aim to be more aware of those times that go unnoticed.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. I can’t fix everyone around me but I can definitely start with improving myself. Although it sucks to be talked about by others, I want to stop doing it myself. It isn’t easy in the current world we live in, where everyone is so critical and hateful but we have got to start somewhere.

Friendships.

I always thought my closest friends were the ones I never needed to worry about. The ones who were always there and by my side regardless of how time has aged us.

I find that this may not be true.

Is it all just face value? People hug, kiss and talk about their lives over brunch, put on fake smiles, laugh at jokes but go home and pick out the whole conversation with someone else and bitch about their friends insecurities and flaws? Why do people do this.

In a time where I feel as though friendships should not be a problem; we are older, emotionally stronger, more aware and respectful, I am still faced with doses of friendship issues that should have rid themselves from my life 5-7 years ago.

Why do we pretend? What value does pretending add to our lives?

I think about the past and wish to reconnect with those I have encountered issues with, mend the connections and move forward paving a brighter path but as I rekindle the relationships of the past, the present unravels itself and I am sitting here wondering, what is the point of all this.

Humans are supposed to be social creatures, I find that we are terrible at being so.

I feel silly providing guidance to young individuals around friendships as part of my job when I can’t seem to figure out what is happening in my own life.

Not everyone is perfect, not even I but I hope their comes a time where we all grow and the people around me are good people, and I hope that I am too, to them.

3 things I am grateful:

  1. Despite the post – my friends.
  2. Strangers – because they can become your friends.
  3. My family – I have them no matter what.