This morning I woke up feeling unusual. If I was going to describe it, I would say that I didn’t feel alive. I don’t mean in a breathing way, but internally, I didn’t feel much.
I wasn’t motivated to start my day, I was tired, I wasn’t particularly excited about anything short or long term. It just felt like another typical day that I believe most of us live because we have to and that is what we do.
I didn’t want to go to attend my classes, or get out of bed, I didn’t want to think of what to eat or the assignments I have waiting for me to complete, I honestly didn’t want to think. Having a little peace in this world, peace from your own thoughts, is hard to come by and that was all I wanted. Constantly feeling the push and pull from everything that I HAVE TO DO is exhausting. Is there a time when humans don’t HAVE TO DO anything?
Becoming aware and assessing these feelings is tough. Self-awareness is hard in itself but being able to critically reflect on your own emotions as they are happening is a skill that we all continually learn through life.
First, I thought maybe I am lazy or depressed and need to figure my shit out. Then I realised that this is normal, not wanting to do is normal, people just do things anyway because they have to. There aren’t many times in life where you don’t have to do anything, so I told myself to relax, nothing is wrong with me, wanting peace is normal and I didn’t do anything but catch up with an old friend over some tea.
Today, was a day where packing your things and going on a new adventure anywhere, near or far, would have been ideal. It would have made me feel alive, broken routine and changed perspective.
I hope I can do that soon, I want to feel alive because what is the point of life, if you aren’t quiet living?
All of us should incorporate things that make us feel ALIVE into our lives, whatever it may be, because amongst the hustle and bustle we forget that we should do things we want to do, not just do things we have to do!
5 things I am grateful for:
- Tea and good friends.
- Thoughtful conversations.
- My onesie – because it’s cold out and it’s warm.
- Support – to anyone who has supported me through life!