Rumination.

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I am always surprised with the way people are, or more so who are they.

Do people only act in a way to always only benefit themselves?

Have I been too sheltered?

Are people truly evil on the inside?

I am evil?

I am constantly hurt by words, I don’t want to be, I want to be stronger. 

How do I become stronger?

Perhaps it is time to stop ruminating.

Rumination kills the soul.

Rumination causes depression.

Rumination is the enemy, not people.

Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so, right?

I think it is time for some meditation!

5 things I am grateful for today:

My boyfriend – he never fails to support and broaden my perspective on who I am, constantly reminding me to shed the self-doubt, up the self-love and believe in myself and who I am.

Pizza – just deliciously bad of you, mmm.

Outdoors – Although it has been quite cold, I enjoy the autumn leaves in the wind and cold air on my face. It is refreshing in times where I feel trapped to be outside.

Uni friends – never have I met such great supportive and genuine people.

this blog – although it isn’t much, it is my release to a world that is private yet public, I feel free and not judged.

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the power of being anonymous.

Being anonymous gives power.

Being anonymous diminishes fear.

I never realised what a big difference being anonymous could do until I worked as an anonymous telephone counsellor.

It’s sad to think that someone trusts me, a complete random from an unknown location with all their thoughts, fears and worries. They trust me over their friends and family because I am no one to them.

What is it about being anonymous that allows them to share their deepest secrets? the lack of judgement.

It’s empowering being the person that countless people can trust and depend on. They can depend on us because we listen, we provide guidance and we support regardless of what culture, religion, wealth or gender you may be.

A problem is a separate entity to a person. A problem does not make that person a problem. A problem is a problem on its own.

What I am trying to say is maybe we should all listen a little more, talk a little less, be there for someone a little more, judge a little less because someone close to you could be counting on a complete stranger for support because they feel like you are never really there.

It is important to also realise that saying you are there for someone isn’t the same as being there for someone. Prove it when they need you, words mean nothing without action.

Non-judgmental, unconditional love can go a long way.

If there is a burning secret or worry on your mind that you can’t seem to shake, send a postcard anonymously and everyone will know but they won’t know its your secret – http://postsecret.com

The Delicate Mind

We are all born fragile, physically and mentally but we overcome that as we grow but some of us don’t. If I had to choose between being physically unable or mentally unable I would choose to be physically disabled and I’ll tell you why. When there is something physically wrong, either you have a terminal illness and you are fighting for your life or you don’t have an arm or a leg, what is wrong with you is quite clear (unless its something super rare or completely new) , either there is a treatment or not and you know whether you are going to get better or gradually worse but if I had a mental illness there is so much that is not known and not knowing would make me even more fragile mentally.

I’m not saying that if you are physically handicapped, you should consider yourself lucky because you aren’t mentally ill but from what I can see from media (not that that is very insightful resource) and books, those who are physically disabled always have the strongest minds and hearts with so much optimism in life and most of the time they are the most talented at something extraordinary that the rest of us can’t do. The mind makes us who we are and we can adapt to our environment but if our minds were against us what then?

The worst thing about mental illnesses is it’s not visible for everyone to see. Your friends and family don’t know and maybe you don’t even know until something terrible happens. If no one knows how will anyone ever get help? Another thing that is worrying is people don’t understand others with a mental illnesses and it scares them so they back  away and pretend nothing is wrong especially when someone needs you the most. If you are scared, imagine how they feel. There may be thoughts running through their mind that shouldn’t be there and they can’t get them out no matter how hard they try to and they have no one to turn to. They live everyday with their insides eating them out until they can’t take it any more and they are gone. Suddenly everyone is curious to what happened, when it is probably too late.

I’m writing this because I don’t understand either and I suppose I’m not meant to because I’m not the one going through it but I want to understand. How do normal everyday people who were fine once get to that point where they don’t even know themselves any more and feel helpless. What happened in their life that changed it? What is it with today’s society that is causing so many individuals to become depressed? and most importantly how can we help them because being there for them is sometimes not enough to save them.