2014 is coming to an end and I’m starting to feel more and more lost everyday regarding what I want to do with my life. It has been 4 long years of slaving away behind a textbook hoping that by the end of it I’ll somehow magically know what I want to do. It is one of the most difficult decisions I am required to make and I feel I’m swimming in an endless ocean of possibilities. Having so many options makes it so much more difficult- I suppose it’s a first world problem.
What we are technically required to do according to society is go to school, go to university, then work for the rest of our lives(get married and have babies amongst it all). It is so simple and set out but yet I am struggling. Up until recently I thought that I would keep studying and eventually become a psychologist and then work and just run through everything year after year just like it is supposed to be but when I think deep down about what I really want to do next year my imagination runs wild.
Growing up as a person who always did everything as it was planned I am scared for next year because I don’t have a plan. I do want to work but not full time. I do want to study more but not till 2016. I want to help people and it is always what I have wanted to do and I don’t need to be some fancy psychologist to do it, not right not anyway. I want to go overseas and do some volunteering work with the less fortunate. I want to enjoy a year where it may be my only year off – where I don’t need to report to anybody not my lecturers, tutors, husband, boss or parents. I won’t have that opportunity again. I have the support and love from my parents now and I should enjoy that while they are around and before my life gets started. I have big plans, I always have and I don’t plan to sit around doing nothing all of next year. I will do plenty that I haven’t had the chance to do in the past and won’t get a chance to in the future. I am looking forward to it. In saying all this it’s important to remember nothing is certain and maybe I will decide to continue studying straight ahead but thats the beauty of it, I just don’t know what to expect.
What I am learning is that once you let go of your expectations and everyone else’s expectations of how your life should be, you really start to realise what it is that you want from life and not being in control all the time isn’t the scariest thing in the world. Life goes on and it is overwhelming but we all end up okay.